Henri - Winner of the Inaugural Billingsgate Book Club Writing Award 2006

Edmund – Uncut

December 6 1965.

It was dark, the house was cold through out except for the dining room, where Edmund was gathered together with his siblings, in a mix of fear and eager expectation… Logs were being consumed and an orange hallow filled the room. Something was about to happen. Edmund was not sure what to expect, but the attitude of his older brother and sister, Rosalie and Julien, dictated his own behaviour. They were nervously talking about his arrival, and got even more nervous about the one accompanying him. It had to do with having behaved well in the past year, and with having been a good child, obedient to your parents. School was also part of it, and Rosalie was pointing the finger at her brother Julien: “You have been getting bad notes in the last couple of months, and your teacher has told mom that you are up to no good in the classroom, always laughing and talking! Surely, He will not bring you anything tonight!” Julien pulled at her hair and grinned: “Stop playing little mother, you are way too bossy, I am sure He knows that and all the goodies will be for me tonight!” They kept nagging at each other. Strangely, dad was not there, he had vanished. Edmund was the only one who noticed. The others were too busy talking. And then there was also Georges, the little one, the cadet. He was still a baby, but so full of life already, sensing the tension in the air, and screaming in excitement, his mouth full of mashed banana. Edmund looked at him in amazement. Georges was getting real more and more. From being a closed eyed doll that always slept, Georges had become a lively creature that was able to draw a lot of attention. Mom was elegant as ever, plucking at her long silky woolen skirt, smiling under her wavy golden locks, overlooking the whole scene. She just had a touch of make-up and little jewelry, but Edmund could stare at her for hours, trying to catch her eye by pointing his eyes towards her. He loved sitting next to her when she was combing her hair, moisturizing her legs, applying all sorts of facial creams, and then the lip stick… Fascinating little tube that made lips look so vibrant and red. He secretly had been able to lay his hands on it, opening it with a sense of forbidden pleasure, turning the bottom part to unfold the secret to mums beauty. She had many different color variations for her lip gloss, but she always used that same one, the one that had a discrete red, with a hint of orange, and that smelled beautifully out of its golden package. It matched her nail varnish that she only used on special occasions. Yet another of mums beauty secrets. Edmund loved the smell of it, and was intrigued at how hard it would become once applied on the nail. He only used very little, in fear that mum would find out, but also because it was very hard to remove when it got into the corner of his little finger nail. He felt so mature when he was able to remove the varnish from his finger with a wipe of polish remover on a bit of cotton. Nobody would notice he had touched it! Nobody would know about his fascination for it, not even mummy. Tonight, she was wearing the nail varnish, so it must have been a special occasion. Edmund vaguely remembered a similar occasion where the whole family was ushered together in the same dining room waiting for the arrival of the same old man with his friend. And he instinctively shuddered at the thought of the old man’s friend. Because he was very dark, and he carried a big rough linnen bag with him. Edmund linked him to the dark space at school in the basement, where his teacher was threatening to lock up naughty children. It was the place where the teacher would collect coals for the heating stove. Edmund believed that the old man’s friend lived in that same dark hole. His name was Black Piet. And it was as if Piet could carry the dark hole with him in the shape of the rough linen bag. And yes, he did make naughty children disappear in his bag, and then they would be eaten by the monster in the bag. So if you had not been a good child, then the monster would eat you! Edmund was contemplating that this horror could possibly happen to him. Had he been a good boy? Was touching mummy’s lip stick and nail varnish a wrong thing to do? He believed it was, because that one very day, his father had harshly disapproved him playing with it on that Sunday morning, when all the kids were up shouting and making noise, and running to the parents bedroom to jump up and down on their bed, telling stories, asking for cuddles, and fighting amongst each other. Suddenly this idea came to Edmunds mind, he would surprise all of them by using mummy’s beauty secrets, and they would all be so impressed that he knew how to apply the lipstick and the nail varnish. And he would be looking so much like mummy, and they would all love him even more! His heart was beating very fast as he applied the wonder secrets on his lips and nails in the parents’bathroom, and he looked approvingly in the multipannelled mirror. He made a discrete entrance to the bedroom, expecting Ooh’s and Aah’s… But no, to his heartbroken despair, dad had uttered the deadly words “Only girls play with lipstick and nail varnish, stop doing that!” Edmund feigned that he was not affected by those words, but deep down he felt humiliated and very hurt. And secretly he started to hate his father from that very moment. And he was upset every time he saw dad all over mummy, kissing her and making her laugh with his poking embraces. But daddy was not here tonight. And nobody seemed to care. Even his Moroccan cigarette box was not on the table. Edmund had mummy all for himself. With his eyes wide open and with his tongue loosely showing between his teeth and his half open mouth, his usual facial expression when he was concentrating on something, he stared at mummy and thought how beautiful she was. And all of a sudden, there was a big bang. The door swung open and an icy breeze swept through the dining room. The old man was there! Did he bring any goodies? Was Piet with him? Everybody gasped in shock at the unexpected noise and movement. And then as by miracle, what seemed like hundreds of sweets and candy were thrown onto the floor. Rosalie and Julien jumped to the pile of goodies and tried to pull as much of it as they possibly could by making big arm movements on the floor and gathering it all in a pile. While all this was happening, Edmund was in shock, unmoved, not knowing if it was better to do the same as his older brother and sister, or whether to stay invisibly quiet. Too late, he decided to make a move to the floor, but most of the candy was already collected, and he could only pick up a handful of it, while they were triumphantly admiring the huge heaps of goodies they managed to appropriate themselves with. Edmund started to cry in disbelief and in disappointment, he had been cheated! They had not told him that this is how you had to behave to get the goodies. Georges was still all smiles, munching on his banana, reaching his arms out with his hands spread out, knowing that this would allow him to get part of the treasure! And that was it, the door had mysteriously closed again, the room was filled with laughter, excitement and cries. Edmund looked at his handful of candy, and then clutched it onto his little belly. At least he had something… Something to fill the long dark nights with a sweet sensation, the nights that he could not sleep, the nights that he was sitting upright in his bed, trying to listen over the snoring of his little brother to the noise that came out of the bedroom of mummy and dad. Was mummy giggling again? Why did they not close the door to their bedroom? Was dad all over her again? Was mummy again becoming this different person, who did not seem to care about her children? Who did not seem to care about him, little Edmund?
Edmund looked up from his little belly and saw in disbelief that dad was standing next to mummy. Where did he come from? Why was he not here when the door swung open? Dad never seemed to be there at crucial moments. Dad was always absent when Edmund was reaching for air at night, when breathing became such a painful action, when his mouth was all dry from desperately trying to fill his blocked lungs, when his forehead was all sweaty from the effort at trying to inhale, and his eyes burning from forgetting to blimp. But mum always came to his bedside, and her sweet words and her soft hands caressing his hair, made him feel very sleepy and allowed his body to redeem its much needed sleep.